i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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