i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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