I haven't been this sober since birth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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