I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
