peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
