you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
