I need to stop coming to work sober
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
