So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
