When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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