I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
