My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
