I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
do herpes really smell.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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