i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
