if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
