Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
