I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
