he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
