hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
