Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think i have two assholes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
