Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
