i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
