So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize