trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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