I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
