They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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