You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
