Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
