Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
