I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
