On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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