Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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