He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
