What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize