i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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