Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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