I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
