i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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