My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
