Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
