Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
and you fell through a lawn chair
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
