What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
