did you get engaged???
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
