I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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