OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
