just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize