Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
