Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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