U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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