i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
