Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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