Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
