Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
