That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
