everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
