You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
