You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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