I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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