it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
