I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
