A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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