Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
