I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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