My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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