Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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