My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
