I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
