Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
