garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
