I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
