I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
