There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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