just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
