Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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