I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
