he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
third nipple confirmed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize