Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
