Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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