I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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