I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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