im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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