If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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