I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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