Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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