other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
