I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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