Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
