It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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