you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
