remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
