ya dads aren't the best wingmen
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
