Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
