I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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