Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize