Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
